


Floating

by skm_creations



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: inej is only in it a little bit, kaz's backstory, probably tw bc it describes kaz's time on the island with jordie's body, slight kanej
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2020-01-15 18:55:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18505039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skm_creations/pseuds/skm_creations
Summary: The night before things begin to go down, Kaz Brekker reminisces on his past.





	Floating

Waves crashed against the Fifth Harbor, spraying salt water all over it, some of it turning into a salty mist as it reached the boy, falling onto his neat hair and sprinkling on his face. It was a quiet night in Ketterdam, or, at least, it appeared that way. Those who knew the city best knew that this city never rested, and tonight was no exception. He was sure that there would be trouble brewing tomorrow, whether it would go his way or not. Trouble in the city, which was constant, kept him up most nights, as though he was just as restless as the city. Even though the bastard of the Barrel was a notorious gang leader, he was still only a boy, not even 18. It shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone that such stressful times would keep Kaz Brekker up most nights.

Tonight, however, it felt harder to sleep than normal. Jan Van Eck had made such a tempting offer, one that he just couldn’t resist, during the light of day. He didn’t necessarily appreciate how Van Eck got his attention, but the thought of 30 million kruge lining his pockets made him disregard this. After all, most Barrel bosses and thugs used these methods of communication. He couldn’t say he blamed him completely. He hadn’t done any better. 

Kaz leaned on his cane, both of his gloved hands resting on the crow’s head at the top. It was funny how he was able to adjust to wearing gloves all of the time so quickly, and how quickly the myths began as to why he wore them. It wasn’t like he was talking about why, either. Not even those closest to him knew why. It wasn’t something he liked to talk about, so he didn’t. Besides, he did like hearing the myths. It just added to his legacy. So, he couldn’t complain much.

Dirtyhands let out a low sigh, looking out at the dark sea, listening to everything around him; the waves, the fishermen, the tourists out late, the thieves moving in the shadows. Another wave crashed against the port, and more salt water fell on him than the previous misting. Even though his past had turned him away from physical touch, he didn’t mind the feel of seawater on his skin. It was almost soothing on a night like tonight. 

As much as he was trying not to think about Jordie, his mind kept wandering back to him, an intrusive thought that he tried to ignore throughout each day successfully, a glint of his past life that he had tucked away. But, tonight, on the cusp of gaining what he and Jordie had always wanted, he couldn’t keep his older brother out of his mind. How long ago was it that they were just boys, living on that farm in Lij? It felt like decades ago, and there were only fuzzy memories there. Fuzzy, but good. Happy. Happiness, he had realized, was a luxury for those that didn’t know the struggles of the real world, of the cruelty that people had in them. There was no room for happiness in the life he lived now. But, when he did recall happier days on that farm with his brother and father, he felt a sliver of the happiness he had felt then. Or was it a sense of calm and security?

When was it that happiness had been taken from him? When was it that he had lost that right?  _ Jordie _ , he thought.  _ Jordie’s death _ . He shook the thought from his head. Now was not the time to recall his death. He needed to relax his mind, not fill it with thoughts of his long gone brother. Work needed to be done.

But intrusive thoughts didn’t work like that, did they?

Everything that had happened with Jordie, with Pekka Rollins, the plague, was flooded in his head. Pekka Rollins. Just the thought of him filled him with rage. He considered himself lucky to have some amount of self control, otherwise Rollins would be long dead, by now. He couldn’t believe that the man that had tricked them had been right under his nose the whole time. It was all his fault that they had become penniless, that they… he had lost everything. They couldn’t afford to take care of themselves, and look at where it got both of them? 

Even though Jordie had gotten the plague, after Rollins abandoned them, he had still held out hope that they would both survive it. They had to. They had survived worse, right? They were orphans. There couldn’t be anything worse. Wrong. Nothing compared to that sickness, to their ultimate demise. Kaz was sure that he’d never go through something worse than that. When Jordie turned cold and limp, it was hard to process. He was so sick that it felt like a bad dream, like there was no way this could be happening.  _ Jordie is okay _ , he thought.  _ He’ll wake up later. _ A foolish thought for a foolish boy, one that wasn’t even strong enough to stop the men from taking both him and his brother away from their spot on the streets. He couldn’t even bring himself to speak up then, like words just couldn’t form. His dark eyes looked over at his now gone brother, his vision blurred. Jordie would save them from this fate, right? This couldn’t be the end of them. It couldn’t.

Kaz had barely noticed the ship ride to the small, remote island off of Ketterdam, in a state of delirium. It felt like he was in and out of consciousness the whole way over. It wasn’t until he realized where he was when he snapped out of it. He was surrounded by corpses. The stench of death filled the air, and flies buzzed all over, some landing on his body, as if checking to see if he was alive or dead. There was nothing around him but cold bodies that couldn’t save him. He reached his hands out, tears beginning to stream down his thin cheeks. 

“I’m still alive! I’m still alive! I’m not dead!”

He called this out over and over, trying to get someone to come for him. It couldn’t end like this. He couldn’t die like this. Desperate to survive this, he managed to stand, looking out at all of the bodies, his small hands shaking. He felt sick to his stomach at just the sight and stench alone. He knelt down beside Jordie and tried to shake him awake.

“Jordie?” His voice was a raspy whisper, one that couldn’t be raised any louder now. “Please, you need to wake up. I can’t… I-I n-need you to st-stay alive. Please… wake up!” He wasn’t sure how long he had stayed there, clinging to his brother’s body, sobs racking his body, before he finally accepted that he was truly alone now, and that he needed to save himself. 

_ Just stay alive _ .

His weak arms dragged Jordie to the edge of the water. Kaz looked at the far off city, and the water that stretched between there and the island. He would have to swim all that length alone, just to survive.

_ Just stay alive _ .

Jordie was a good raft, but one that he couldn’t stand to touch, the cold water just making his corpse colder. His legs thrashed and thrashed, desperate to get to safety, to get to Ketterdam. Kaz figured that this swim was when Kaz Rietveld had died and Kaz Brekker had taken his place.

_ Just stay alive.  _

Those were the only words that kept Kaz going, through all of it. He had to survive, not just for himself, but for Jordie, too. Who cares what he was destined to become because of it? Survival was key. It was all he could do. So, he did.

Kaz flexed his fingers on his cane’s crow head, snapping out of his memories of those days when he noticed his spider’s presence. She was able to sneak up on everyone but him. He didn’t acknowledge her presence aloud, but she was aware that he knew she was there. He was grateful for her coming here; she always seemed to bring him back to his senses. She was beside him, and he didn’t look over at her when he finally spoke.

“What business?”

Of course, it was always business with them, wasn’t it?

Inej looked out at the sea with him, close enough to be a silent comfort him, but far enough to keep him from being uncomfortable. “I was wondering what you were doing out here.”

“It’s nothing. There’s a lot of work to be done, and we start tomorrow.” Kaz nodded, finally sneaking a glance at her before looking at the ocean again. “Are you ready?”

“As ready as I can be. Are you?”

“Always.”


End file.
